The weekend is almost upon us, my merry little chitluns. What are you planning to do with your time? Wait, don't tell me. Just check these boxes on your computer screen. (Use a Sharpie.)
[ ] Stack off to someone's bottom set with your overpair five or six times
[ ] Watch TV until you crumble into a vaguely person-shaped pile of organic waste
[ ] Masturbate vigorously and repeatedly while watching your neighbor through the venetian blinds and pretending he's a woman (but only while he's facing away from you)
[ ] See Mission: Impossible 3 and cry soft little tears of sadness that Tom didn't choose you over Katie Holmes to induct into his religious cult
[ ] Get sued by the good, understanding folks at Scientology Inc.
[ ] Find yourself reduced to $2 in your online poker account, but unable to actually lose that last, petty amount - going so far as to crack AA with 93o as the site's engine desperately tries to convince you that your luck is changing and you really should deposit more money, quick
[ ] 72 straight hours of porn followed by naked, hand-blistered suicide
[ ] Make wisecracks on the intarweb to prove your cleverness to a handful of dangerous lunatics and gambling addicts
---
Stuff you should seek out, chapter a million:
There's a group called Melt-Banana... Wait, stop right there. They play lightspeed punk/metal with serious avant-noise influences, and their lead singer is a chirpy Japanese girl who sounds sort of like a broken cat toy, more so than an actual person singing. If you're still interested, keep reading. ...and this group has an album that's sort of recent called "Cell-Scape." It's the best lightspeed punk/metal/noise album ever. I don't know how an album can be furiously abrasive and adorable at the same time, but they pulled it off.
OHHHH man - those bastards from the Skywalker Ranch just announced that the original "Star Wars" trilogy will be released in its original, non-Greedo-shooting-first, non-CGI-suckfest form, on DVD, in September. Yeah, I'm a nerd. I don't care. This is news. This is good, good news. Wait patiently, then buy.
From the movies-you-can-buy-right-now department: do you like kung fu movies? Do you like classic era, Shaw Bros. kung fu movies like they used to occasionally show on USA on the weekends? And do you also like titles that have hilarious double meanings, only their creators were almost certainly unaware of it? If all of this describes you, please go order a copy of the DVD for "Dirty Ho."
(Man, that never fails to make me grin.)
[ ] Stack off to someone's bottom set with your overpair five or six times
[ ] Watch TV until you crumble into a vaguely person-shaped pile of organic waste
[ ] Masturbate vigorously and repeatedly while watching your neighbor through the venetian blinds and pretending he's a woman (but only while he's facing away from you)
[ ] See Mission: Impossible 3 and cry soft little tears of sadness that Tom didn't choose you over Katie Holmes to induct into his religious cult
[ ] Get sued by the good, understanding folks at Scientology Inc.
[ ] Find yourself reduced to $2 in your online poker account, but unable to actually lose that last, petty amount - going so far as to crack AA with 93o as the site's engine desperately tries to convince you that your luck is changing and you really should deposit more money, quick
[ ] 72 straight hours of porn followed by naked, hand-blistered suicide
[ ] Make wisecracks on the intarweb to prove your cleverness to a handful of dangerous lunatics and gambling addicts
---
Stuff you should seek out, chapter a million:
There's a group called Melt-Banana... Wait, stop right there. They play lightspeed punk/metal with serious avant-noise influences, and their lead singer is a chirpy Japanese girl who sounds sort of like a broken cat toy, more so than an actual person singing. If you're still interested, keep reading. ...and this group has an album that's sort of recent called "Cell-Scape." It's the best lightspeed punk/metal/noise album ever. I don't know how an album can be furiously abrasive and adorable at the same time, but they pulled it off.
OHHHH man - those bastards from the Skywalker Ranch just announced that the original "Star Wars" trilogy will be released in its original, non-Greedo-shooting-first, non-CGI-suckfest form, on DVD, in September. Yeah, I'm a nerd. I don't care. This is news. This is good, good news. Wait patiently, then buy.
From the movies-you-can-buy-right-now department: do you like kung fu movies? Do you like classic era, Shaw Bros. kung fu movies like they used to occasionally show on USA on the weekends? And do you also like titles that have hilarious double meanings, only their creators were almost certainly unaware of it? If all of this describes you, please go order a copy of the DVD for "Dirty Ho."
(Man, that never fails to make me grin.)
